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Associated Press, Sept. 24, 2000 Appeared in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel on Sept. 25, 2000. | | In this news story, which has similar versions in Baptist and fundamentalist churches around the country, mostly, but not all, in the South, “about 50 parents” got a “hands on” lesson in spanking teenagers “the right way” at the “Eau Claire Gospel Center.” | | “‘You spank them right here on the gluteus maximus, which God made for
that purpose,’ said Marvin Munyon as he demonstrated the method on a teenage boy.” | | Munyon is cited as being the “president of the conservative Madison-based Family Research Institute of Wisconsin.” He somehow managed to quote Bible verses to back up his “spank training seminar.” | | The AP article specifically cited Munyon’s comment that “physical punishment is the most effective deterrent for misbehavior and actually builds self-esteem because it lets children know they are loved….” | | The statements that come out of this guy’s mouth, and his “selective interpretation” of parts of the Old Testament that he likes, but nonetheless alters to fit our American, highly sexual spanking forms, are amazing. If any verses existed that actually taught these things, it would utterly transform Judaism, Christianity, and any other religion that recognizes the Bible. Some of his “reasoning,” however, seemed especially bizarre, even by “Whackerville” standards. In which verse of Mr. Munyon’s bible does it say that “God created the buttocks for spanking?” I’ve read the Bible through and studied it a great deal on just this issue alone, and have never read it. It must exist because his entire congregation didn’t question it. Maybe they were too exited watching the teen “spanking in love” show to even listen to his drone of unrelated and out of context passages. Perhaps, however, they have discovered some apocryphal texts that show that God continued creation on the eighth day… | And God saw that parents did not have a well pleasing place to spank their children, and he heard the cries of school teachers and sexually repressed Priests and Ministers that their work was tedious, and had not joyful activities. Thus God created tender and wiggly flesh surrounding young virgin’s sexual areas, to be a place for spanking, that parents and step-dads, principals, ministers, teachers, and neighbors can find great joy in striking.
God named the special place, “teen buttocks,” and men saw that it was very, very good. God also sent his prophets to explain that even though adults also have buttocks, even larger and fleshier than children’s and teen’s, that adult buttocks were not made for hitting, only children’s and teen’s. There is a hidden mystery in this. Only spanking ministers and priests understand it, but they cannot explain it. It is fornication and violence for middle aged adults to hit each other’s buttocks, or for teens to hit each other’s buttocks, but is “very good” for middle aged adults to hit teen’s buttocks.
God also made teen buttocks an area very comely to adult men, so they would be motivated to do his holy work from generation to generation, and would spank children and teens forevermore.
--“Lost sections” of Genesis describing the “8th day of creation” —see certain “Christian ministers” who have secret copies. |
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