Like the stories of mass child abuse in the 1950s in childcare religious institutions that are only now coming to light, Dan lived, not in a particular institution, but in foster homes in a very abusive and exploitive culture.
"Dan's" child abuse was meted out by a wide variety of people, and was often related to spanking. It very often happens that communities that are mired in child abuse, especially when it is spanking related, will occasion multiple violations in multiple settings like this. These multiple abuser societal dynamics, with some outward changes due to culture, are alive and well today, particularly in the American South.
Dan, at 62, is still struggling with it every single day and night. Like most victims, and perhaps indicated statistically by the much higher divorce rates in paddling states, Dan has had extreme difficulty in maintaining a "normal" sexual relationship.
Dan: I was paddled many times at school, from elementary grades through the 8th. I was in foster care too, and I was a problem kid.
My mother abused me sexually, physically and mentally. The state did not care, and I do not think they do now either. "Out of sight, out of mind." There was no-one to really look out for the kids. Even my social worker abused me.
Jeff: If I might ask, why were you put in foster care? It sounds like the state, both social worker and school, was abusive, just as the home you were supposedly "protected from abuse" from. It also seems obvious that the beatings did not have the effect they were supposed to have.
Dan: You are right on all counts. The beatings made me stubborn, and only gave me a resolve to get even. For years I had a chip on my shoulder, but I finally got it knocked off in the Army.
I do not beat. I just give discipline to ones that need or want it. I believe we all need discipline in our lives and I still, at 62, will sometimes have a domme spank me to tears just to get rid of the tension. I have found that once I am past the pain I am at peace, just as if I were high on drugs. But I have to know the person and trust them because for me to be spanked I have to be restrained and gagged. I thus cannot use a safe word.
I do not remember a week in my early years that I was not spanked, either by the woman I was staying with, my teachers, the social worker, or an aunt that would come to see me sometimes.
A lot of what I know about this I have found out as an adult. I blocked out the abuse for a very long time, but know it has shaped my life. I do not remember dates very well, but three homes do stand out. I still slay dragons most nights. I was too young to remember most of what my mother did to me, but when I shower and see my body, then I am reminded. I do remember the aunt well that abused me, as well as my social worker.
Jeff: Do you know, either through memory or from hearing it from others, what the exact nature of the charges against your mother were?
Dan: My mother tried to change me into a girl, she hated that I was a boy. I do not remember the date, but my penis still has her tooth marks on it. When asked how it happened, she said I was playing and one of the other kids did it. She also set me outside in a diaper one time, and great aunt Nellie found me. She said I had crawled out on my own. Jeff, my mother was a child molester, as was my father. He served three years in jail for having sex with my older sister.
My aunt Gladis was the one that first did sex with me. She would come and see me sometimes on the weekend and take me to her house. She loved to spank me and touch me whenever she could. One night she came to the room where I was sleeping and lay down with me and had me lick her until she had enough. I never told because no one would believe she would do something like that, just like they never believed my mother could do the things she did.